Dwelling On The Positive When Life Goes Negative

It is Sunday, August 23, 2015, and I struggle to think about the direction of today’s blog. I feel the urge to write, to put down in words my thoughts, to communicate feelings pent up over months of stress and distress and make a break from the silence that has haunted me. I am a writer of sorts; I need to put thoughts to paper… in this case the screen, and in doing so feel relief. Does that make sense… I pray that it does.

These past months have been a bit of a roller-coaster for the family with our son Ben finishing his combination radiation and first round of chemo and moving back home. He has a cancerous brain tumor (found in fall of 2010) and has had two cranial resections to date. He will continue with further stronger chemo treatments until next Christmas. We know he has begun to feel the effects of the treatments and our hearts long to just hold on to him and do things for him, but that will not be his answer. He needs to live, in the fullness of wellness and assurance that he can beat this cancer with the aid of his treatments and a regimen of exercise and good diet. He tires easily and has over the past months admitted that he finally understands my own plight of ill health.

So how have we fared through all of this? Overall we are doing fine. There may be our weak moments but those are to be expected. There is so much to be thankful for. It is through our deep faith that we know that through it all we are never alone. We have a God who hears our prayers, friends who love and care for all of us and share in our struggles, as they communicate and pray with and for us. For that reason,  I continue to keep an eye on my friends and pray for them daily. I made it a practice some years back to write to those who struggle, even in some cases when I didn’t know them personally and tell them that people who cared were praying. If you take those messages in, you soon see and hear of those whose lives have been turned on edge by illness… and it seems the numbers are increasing as we age.

It is so often difficult to remember that you are of concern to others. It may seem that you are in the middle of a huge puddle and are merely one toad that comes to drink. You know the feelings we get some days… “Is there really anyone who cares?… everyone is busy with their own lives!” The doldrums of life can cause our hearts to question and fog the reality of the true depth of friendship and love. Hearts may turn away from what they do not understand, but in the depth of true friendship there remains a caring heart and an open mind. People stop to listen but do they really hear or care? Well, some do and those that are in the “do” category are our lifeline lots of the time.

Perhaps life has been dealing some hard blows of late, or there may be that tinge of question about the pathway being a bit lumpy these days and aging or family life has not been quite what was advertised. If it is of any consequence, there is always someone who cares not only about you, but also for you. I may not know all of you personally, (I pray that I do know most of you) but I do care in the greater sense of the word. When and where I can, I want to affect your life for the positive. I want to pray when I know of your needs and most of all remind you that though life has its up and downs, its twists and turns and on many occasions it fill of saddening disappointments, you can survive and find strength beyond yourselves, as you lean on your faith in God. Of course that means you must believe. Eugene Peterson once told me at a conference one day, as we chatted following his lecture, that belief is a choice… one of so many we make so freely each day. There is no mystery… we just choose to believe and God does the rest.

So today if you are struggling (or maybe not), take a few minutes to reflect on the blessings that have been yours this past week, month, year or through life as a whole. No life is perfect, I know mine is not and never has been, but I have been truly blessed in my life. God has forgiven my shortcomings, adds new life each day and helps when I am no longer able to help myself. He carries me as the “Footprints” prose states.  God is carrying you today. You may be too close to the edge and feeling shaken or disturbed, but look into the face of God who loves without question and just let go of the pain. It takes effort, but it is worth the work. After all living on the edge may not always be what you want or expect, but there is a different perspective, based on faith, from there.

May you be blessed this day and in the coming days… decide on a few positive choices even though you may have to walk near the edge. I am praying for YOU!

Time Changes Everything… Or Does It?

I still get calls/emails, after all these years, from old friends and associates who wonder what I am up to and inquire about my taking a Church somewhere as an interim for a while. The conversation generally starts with how I am feeling these days, my state of health and how the family is doing. They don’t always like to ask directly about our son who has been fighting cancer (brain tumor) for the past 5 years and who is now undergoing treatments that will run until around Christmas. (He started those treatments this week and he needs our support not only in prayer, but more practical ways to help support his family’s needs. It has been a long 5 years for us all in so many ways.) Illness comes in several ways and to many of us. Even I have had my fair share through these years and it has left me weakened physically and sometimes low of spirit. I no longer desire the pastoral role, or the stresses that come with that role. I needed retirement to heal and now even more in the throes of Ben’s extended illness. It is hard to say the words, “No not really… I need time and healing and want to be here for my family just now” for even though my body is weak, my heart somehow feels guilt in not answering yes when asked.

I have often wondered why we feel the need to question decisions about retirement for people we know. I know it has often been said that people waste away once they retire, but I was not one of them. I had plans to help others with the electrical and carpentry skills that I had gained through the years. I had hopes to go into business helping my son with a construction business that has been his for quite a few years now. I had plans to perhaps continue to go overseas teaching and lecturing as long as my health allowed me to go. I had plans.

Back in my youth I had one focus in mind and that was to follow my Dad in the mechanical and body repair trades… to help him… to work along-side of him. But that was not to be so I found my heart leaning towards teaching and using the mechanical skills, along with carpentry, until I found that business was drawing me out and away, as doors closed and others opened. So many times I have asked questions about why doors closed before me, except that new ones always opened immediately, beckoning me forth into something just as rewarding. People told me that time would heal the wounds I often felt, when something I felt comfort with, and good about, turned out to be a disappointment or a dead end.

When changes come in life, we want to feel that time will in fact heal those wounds that have been opened. It only stands to reason that the rigors of living life every day would help us to forget, or at least begin the healing of major issues, but that is not always the case. Many carry the scars of past events that are hidden just beneath the pretense of both psychological and spiritual wellness.  We think that the bumps and lumps that we get along the way are only minor and putting on the so-called “Happy Face” will help us overlook the pain, or at least bury it beyond the discovery of others; away from those prying questions that would break open those wounds again.

We might ask ourselves then  if we can apply the stiff upper lip and just get on with living normally. The easy answer is that some can, but most can’t. In fact, the truth is that very few of us in life can, and not suffer future consequences that will cause more trouble than we might ever expect. It is a known fact that stresses carried through life most often have harsh and sometimes devastating effects on our health that can change the course of the very life being lived or planned.  How we handle those stresses should always be of great importance as we go about our daily lives. The Bible tell us that we have several options available to us, and if adopted with faith, these options could indeed make a difference in both the immediate life we live and the years to come.

What is most important to remember when searching for scripture verses to help with life’s trials, is that most were written, not with an all-inclusive or universal fix in mind, but more in line with a contextual answer to a specific need that confronted a group of people or specific person. It is most important to remember that we are never alone.  Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” While this verse opens our minds to the commonality of distress, tribulation and all of the debilitating factors that life can bring, there is a reminder that God has always been there for his creation… for us.

Paul wrote in his second letter to the Church at Corinth in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,  as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”  Paul was reminding the Church in these verses that we carry daily the pressures of life being lived and these pressures though heavy, and can weigh us down, yet they are not impossible to carry. The difficult key to finding our way through these messy times is looking at the future not the moment.

Have you ever broken a bone and suffered the pain and inconvenience of a cast, or maybe something even worse like an appendectomy? These more minor physical ailments are just that, minor. Yet there is something very true in our ability to adapt, looking at the setback as only temporary and being able to acknowledge that life would find a level of regained normalcy soon.  A bee sting does not last forever but truly hurts… a minor parallel? We wish this could be case in all our life’s trials, disappointments and tribulations, but it is not. There is a level of truth though to be considered, in how we can look ahead in life, and gain the ability to leave behind that which we cannot change. A portion of a prayer, adopted by recovering addicts, that was written by Reinhold Niebuhr says, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

The bee sting is so very real and can bring tears to the eyes of a small child and have a long lasting effect on a genuine fear of bees for years to come. The Theologian Niebuhr saw the plight of the human soul in the battle against those things that could not and would not be assuaged by our skill or ability to overcome by will power alone. His answer was found in releasing to God that which we find ourselves unable to fix or change. Human courage can get us beyond some things but not all… knowing where the difference lies is then the key. When the Apostle Paul wrote to the Church at Corinth, there were many problems to be addressed. Some could be easily fixed, but many could not. His advice was for them to begin to sort out problems both corporate and individual/personal and look more to the future; being things that are eternal and not temporal in nature. In layman’s terms we could say, “Let’s evaluate what may seem to be there before us and measure it against what is going to be there in eternity.”

I try to see each day some good beyond the pains and aches of aging process/illness that I face or even the limitations that life brings in other ways. My Brother-in-law calls it the "AGE Virus". I look ahead to the next moment, next hour and next days, weeks, months and years that may stretch before me and pray that God will continue to open the windows of my life and let His Son shine in, so that I may allow His Son to shine out through me, no matter the situation I face each day. It is not easy. It takes a level of release that is not easily learned… it takes practice and for those who rely on faith, it can be stretched almost to its limit. But it is not impossible. Some days I lose; most often though, are the days when God wins.

Do I enjoy the challenge… no! Do I regret that I must try so hard when my desire would be that God would simply take away those challenges? No! Without those challenges in life we would not be inclined to lean on God when life gets tenuous. I will leave you with three things that Jesus spoke about His purpose in coming to earth and living among us.

Matthew 11:28-29 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Walking toward those words we can find peace… walking away just adds to the depth of despair with the worldly affairs that become heaviness in life. Maybe it is living on the edge… just maybe it is worth the view   from there. May you be richly blessed as you walk towards God in tribulation... not away, as it is for many  the habit to do... Especially as the day of His return is nearing.

Hope Springs Eternal – An Easter Thought

I remember in my youth, many, many light years ago, how the Church celebrated the Easter weekend in a big way. I am not sure how many times we went to Church for 3 hours on a Good Friday through the years. The service seemed long for someone who was not only short in stature but also not long on patience. Yet, I have fond memories of those times. It always seemed like something was happening and what we were doing was worth the effort of trying to stay both focused and awake during the time in the pews. My Dad used to carry large nuts and bolts in his pocket, when we were really small, and when it seemed like we were just on the edge of making a bit too much ruckus, he would hand us those simple toys to keep us occupied so as least we would not disturb too many people around us.

I often wondered if my parents ever got really upset with us when we became a bit overzealous. I know as a small boy I must have had lots of energy and was known to be too talkative. Even today I am accused of being too wordy. I guess some of my family find my blogs to be too much and in that category… so I know the stories about my constant youthful chatter must have created more than one stressful moment even in Church. It seems, from my mother’s former reflections, that they always held to the hope that even though my brother and I were young, we were getting something out of what was being said during services. Their hope was that we would respond one day to Christ.

Today, we seem to think that children are far more energetic; perhaps they may even be considered far less attentive, but as I reflect I wonder sometimes if that is really true. The back pews of our home church had initials carved into them. The hymnals had youthful drawings, pages torn out and the corners turned down and almost ragged…. I know that few adults would do such destructive things. On one occasion the suggestion was made to keep a group of youth from attending Church as they were much too disruptive and destructive to the church building and furniture.  I questioned the validity of that reasoning and those few of us who felt that these boys needed to be part of our congregation, that they might see both God’s love and our love, finally won out.

Children have always been a concern to the crowd. They have always been noisy…they love to play and create, no matter the time being centuries/decades ago or today. In all ages the youth of community have followed their parents and have needed something to both keep their attention and challenge them, and it has been the challenge of the parents to keep them amused and in hand so that their youthful exuberance would not overly upset others around them. Perhaps the older we get the more easily we are distracted… No... Not at all… The older we get, it is more likely that we want “our” focus not challenged by others around us.
During a time of teaching the people, Jesus was asked to bless some small children. The disciples rebuked those who brought the children and wanted the children sent away. I have often wondered why this might have happened. We can only speculate, but it may very well have been a response to what may have been seen to be some disruption created by those same children, while Jesus had been speaking to the adults earlier. It is so interesting to read what Jesus response to that rebuke was. Verse 14 of Matthew 26 records, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Then he laid his hands on them and blessed them before he moved on.

There are so many things in life that we do not see clearly, do not understand fully. People often question where hope lies in the hearts and lives of those who seem to be paying no attention to what is going on in the context of faith in Christ and their Heavenly Father. Many the time I have heard common folk both Christian and non-Christian label, criticize and judge those who looked, acted and seemed in some remote way different from themselves. On one occasion years ago my heart ached for a man who was greeted by a neighbour, as he entered the Church to attend one of our Sunday services. The harshness of his comments turned that man away and nothing I could say could bring him back, just because one critical comment from a judgmental person broke his spirit and resolve to come back to God’s house to worship.

I never gave up on my friend and continued to pray for him even though he would not change his mind to attend. He did however say that he believed and I know that was the most important part of his faith journey. Years later a man who had never attended Church approached me with a gift, along with a note that said, “This little hurricane lamp is to remind you of the years you spent holding out the light to those of us in the community” Some must have been looking and listening and a few years later that same man who gave me the light became a deacon in the very Church I had pastored all those years.

As Christ approached the cross, though his personal courage seemed to be weak, his spirit of resolve was certainly strong. God did not leave His Son to die alone, rejected and forgotten by mankind, His creation. There was hope, an answer to Jesus’ prayer for former glory to be renewed. Even for the thief on the cross near Jesus, there was hope. Though he may have been rejected of man for his crimes, he was immediately forgiven and given the hope of eternity though he would not be baptized and may not receive a believer’s burial. We are often too quick to condemn ourselves and others, too full of grief, regret and self-abasement, to realize that God has more to give than we can ask for. He has always been full of grace and love… we are often too busy with life to see that clearly. It is so simple, yet we make it so complex. Hope is not just for the perfect but for the imperfect as well, not just for the uplifted, but for the downtrodden too.

With God’s creation there came hope intact and active, seen now at the Cross of Jesus. Though we are created with free will and can decide to accept or reject, that hope need never fade. Because of Calvary’s Cross and what God accomplished there through His Son Jesus, all have hope and that hope springs eternal for all and for all time. Today, don’t turn away from hope. Give hope its due. It is not something that need fade in our lives for it springs eternal every day. Like living near the edge, it is all in the perspective we take from where we are. My Mom always said that where there is breath there is hope and I guess she kept me breathing through the years with that hope in mind. I pray that this Easter you will take that hope into your heart and life, and give it a chance to grow…. Just like those little snow drops and early spring flowers prying their way out through these late snow falls. Hope does spring eternal!

A Staple of Life... Joy and Its Blessing

I was touched today by a simple quote published by a longtime friend …Thank you MLG. May I ever see through the din of life’s activity, the struggles of others, and take the time to reach out the hand of friendship and healing, not from my own fading strength, but of my resolute love for life and for others, even as I have been loved and felt the hand of healing from those who have reached out to me.

Joy is easy from the mountain’s vista, from the ocean’s rugged shore, midst the tall trees of a virgin forest or watching silently the beauty of a Northern Aurora Light Show; and most surely while spellbound by a perfect sunset which calms the soul… but joy is elusive and in but a moment, in the twinkling of the eye, that joy can pass and life is changed. The poor lone seeker whose life is awash in a valley’s barren landscape may be too weak to see, too look up and notice as that which may perhaps lift him up, is passing him by. From the strong comes the opportunity to help the weak, from the bold a possibility to embolden the shy, from those already rich in joy comes the occasion to share, to clothe, feed and nurture those whose joy has been smothered by chance or misadventure.

Truly seeing the burden of others “must” pain our souls, this is a given. But, to apply the salve of healing, as we share our joy with others, can assist those burdened in life, to acquire strength from those who do offer themselves, and may aid them in seeing once again joys that have become clouded by life’s misfortune.
I remember some years ago meeting a wonderful example of strength from which I gained a deeper knowledge of life. That meeting did not guarantee a steadfast and sure cure for a heavy heart, but certainly went a long way toward being an anchor for my outlook on life. I am able to claim that moment, when I can see beyond the clouds of despair and at times when I am reminded that life is not always fair… it is fraught with pitfalls, not always of our own design. What we do in those moments of trial will often gauge the outcome and where we look for answers can surely affects the ability to find joy in the worst of moments. This meeting was in a nursing home. It was nothing spectacular or miraculous. It was during a Bible Study with seniors and I had asked a simple question about skill and endurance. A lady, advanced in years, smiled and gave a simple answer to my question. She stated that she was able to jump the distance between two lines on the floor (about 6 feet apart) with no problem. After many a chuckle from others, I asked how and why she felt that way, as she was a double amputee and sitting in a wheelchair. She said with all calmness and sincerity, “I am jumping that distance in my mind just like I could when I was 16 years old!” Her misfortune in life did not limit her joy in living.

Today is a good day. Not all my days are like that. I have a lot on my plate as I deal with personal struggles of health and circumstance, but I see from the edge of life, the turmoil of others and pray for their healing and relief from their pain. A friend and I were talking the other day about how we often allow the “stuff” of life to rob us of our joy. I am glad that as a Christian I have another answer to my plight… that is my faith. I write from the background of that faith, and I am not ashamed of where I stand or my desire to accept that which seems too large for empirical truth in the non-Christian world. I am reminded of what a lecturer, writer and theologian Dr. Eugene H. Peterson once said to me following a conference, “Life is a matter of decisions and those in your life will make decisions about what they choose to believe… it is not rocket science… we choose to believe or not to believe, it is that simple.” (I paraphrased). The key is freedom to make that choice and allowing love to be the foundation on which those decisions can be made.

Today may be a tough day for you as you read and reflect on life. For some there may seem to be little sense in struggling some days. Perhaps, there may be someone you know who has had their joy robbed by harsher realities of life that have come to overwhelm, and now despair reigns instead of joy. Not all of life is laughter as we also know that not all of life is tears. Today there may be decisions to be made about our lives or life for others. We can construct walls of protection or walls of privacy, blocking out the cries of others. On the other hand we can open our lives to their pain and as we feel its reality and do something to disarm or arrest whatever brings desolation and heavy hearts to those around us. It may be a note of encouragement, a smile and warm greeting, but even more it may be a hand reaching out in love and fellowship over coffee, a meal or a long walk down memory lane. It may be a simple sharing of faith or a quote aptly shared… we never know. But this is living near the edge. It can be scary, it is surely demanding, but it can be so uplifting.

Joy washes us with a cleansing that little else in life can attain. It can melt the dinge of life, reset enthusiasm to encourage us to overcome and go on, and it has a healing quality that is unmatched. To see beyond the moment into the clarity of hope is uplifting to say the least. To live there is almost unimaginable, yet to grasp it is almost a primary goal for most who struggle. It can not be forced, yet it can be shared. It comes neither in a bottle, through a prescription, nor can we buy it online through sales and distribution sites. Joy is found by looking. That is the key. The simplest things of life can lend us untold amounts of joy if we are able to see them clearly and plainly. It may be a book read, a small child's laughter or even a cartoon shared. To clear our minds of the traffic of stress, we must stop and rest. Yet, there is truth in the old adage that says, "Should you stop to think... don't forget to start again!" The key here may be in where you start from. Seeking joy takes us on a different path than when we stopped to rest. I seek to rest in my faith.

Can you, or do you, pray? Praying is the foundation on which your faith will grow and the garden in which the practical applications of life are shared, where empathy grows hands and feet with which to go forth, that we might touch the lives of others.  May we all do our part to help clothe our fellow strugglers with joy through life in times of tribulation and trial. You may need to be clothed one day yourself. Be kind, as someone reminded us the other day…. We never know what trials those we meet are facing. May the Lord richly bless your day and may you find some unexpected joy when, and from wherever it should come, wrapped in the knowledge that though this gift is sometimes fleeting, it is yours for this precious moment.

Willing His Will

We serve a God who is loving, gracious, gentle and kind... but... we serve a God who is a Sovereign God, omniscient beyond our comprehension, who sees the greater picture of His creation (and its best interests) and who makes decisions that our spirit does not always understand. We seem to accept that God answers prayer in His time and in His will, but do we truly accept it, much less understand it.

 The two greatest examples are found in the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6) in the phrase: "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" and in the example of Jesus Christ's statement (Matthew 26) as he knelt in the garden, facing alone his impending death and wanting that that cup of death to be removed from him: "Yet not my will, but Yours (God’s) be done!"

What do we see here in these two examples taken from Scripture? In the Lord’s Prayer there is the request that things happen on earth the way they would happen in heaven. What does that mean? Can we allow ourselves to relinquish control of outcome in life, to God’s will; all those things which we do not understand and most that we cannot see? YES! This is the true test of our faith; to allow God to reign in our lives here on earth, as though we too were in heaven. Here then is the value of our understanding of that phrase that is most often thought to mean that we want earth to be pure, innocent and as virgin as heaven is. If we accepted God’s will here on earth, as it is accepted and followed in heaven… earth and our lives on it, would be so different.

This first phrase, from the Lord’s Prayer, then leads us to a greater understanding of a fuller meaning of Christ’s prayer in the garden, before his death. The will of the Father (God) for His son was ”this death He faced”. Cruel, in our eyes perhaps, but necessary, as humanity alone could not atone for the sin we commit daily in our lifetime. How do we come to understand that God’s Holy Will was secured by this one phrase? It was secured in the knowledge that God, who created, must now not only sustain, but deliver… deliver from death (which He did in the end), deliver from guilt and deliver from the pain of that guilt. That kind of true love, and the fullness of true love, could only be found in heaven. Our peace therefore is only found in true and full surrender in love; that being the relinquishing of our will to that of the Father.

When we pray therefore, we pray for the Father's will to done. In other words, that our will be in accordance with His will, yet it most often seems to be the opposite; in us wanting God to bend His will to fit ours. Yet our prayers must meet the criteria of a loving selflessness that was found in Christ's new command, to we who would yearn to be His true Disciples: "Love one another as I have loved you". Can we see any greater love than that of Christ surrendering his life so that we might gain life? In this knowledge therefore, we learn to pray for others in love, desiring their health, safety and blessing. We pray that God might show us favour in our prayers, while leaving everything fully in His hands. Can we truly pray with that resolve…That God's will be first and foremost, even when it does not seem to fit our picture of what is right, good and expedient? We who stumble and fall our way through life have no other recourse or answer, but to approach God through Christ, in reverence and humility, bringing our petitions for ourselves and others to Him who hears and then answers.

There are so many things that I desire for those I love, as well as those things I covet for my own personal life. Knowing that we expect God to hear and answer prayer, it is suggested that we must blindly follow the ideal praying not just knowing that God can, but that He will answer, granting what we ask. This though depends on how we approach that ideal. It must be understood that there has to be a full releasing of each request in prayer, to the Will of our Sovereign God. It is true that not only can God, but He will… but, within His will.  I do not ask therefore: “God bend Your will to mine, but that You hear my loving prayers directed to You, the Giver and Sustainer of life, and bring peace within my heart and the hearts of others as I pray, and for whom I pray, as Your will desires. Then Your Will shall become my will and my heart shall not relinquish its love for You, if I find that I do not get my way because my will is not found being in accordance with Yours. This is not fatalistic… it is the reality of surrender, the very basis of peace; that which sustained Christ.  He was sustained not only in the garden, but from the garden to the cross, even as he cried; “My God, My God, why have your forsaken me?” This seemingly not a cry of one sustained, but surely of one deserted? This was merely a cry from the human part of that human soul found in Christ… a cry we most often utter when life’s disappointments befall us. It is a  cry to our God who knows better than our mortal understand, what which is greater than our need, the need of the Father for His will… and beyond us perhaps, the need of some other. Here God acts beyond our human frailty with grace, forgiveness and love.

Help me then to pray Lord every day that I may find peace in the midst of this life which I do not understand and on so many days finding tears to be more prevalent than laughter. Let satan not rob me of my joy, but let any peace reigning within my heart and my will, be only found in accordance with that will which is Yours. Forgive me for when I have fallen, quicken my heart to the needs of others that I may give fully and freely even, as You have give unto me. This I pray in faith believing and in Your most Precious and Holy Name… That Name which is above all names. … Jesus Christ Our Lord.  Amen.

Today living life near the edge these past weeks has not been fun, it is has been hard and it is challenging. But ,even so, I am granted opportunity to see, in faith, beyond that which I do not understand, to that point of grace in faith where walking becomes easier because I am not alone. Today I pray that you as well will perhaps realize this for yourself. You are not alone. Someone is with you even as He is with me, and that changes our perspective as we walk near the edge… and it is all about perspective! Blessings to each of you who read today, tomorrow or when opportunity and God’s providence brings you here to this page. May your trip to the edge be done while holding God’s hand, awaiting His will to be done and may you too be granted peace.

Strength For Today With Great Hope for Tomorrow!

Some of us are of that age when we had opportunity to sit in quiet solitude on a river bank, shoreline or perhaps just out in the back field at some point, and ponder life. I had a little brook, but soon found out that it flowed into a river that led to the ocean…. That was my playground. There I began to learn the good and the bad, the how-to’s and how-not-to’s  of life, and what it meant to be responsible for not only what was there before me, but also how things affected not only the present but the future.

The river soon became a barrier to be challenged, the ocean a place to be explored, and all things in between, opened doors of opportunity to see new things, meet new people and finally become foundational in setting down roots, starting a family and establishing new traditions while undertaking life in its living, as an adult. I sometimes wonder if I was truly ready. As I look back, I see lots of things that remind me that I was so young, so naïve, so full of the typical hype that says, “Here I come world, there is nothing I can’t accomplish!” I guess life has its way of protecting us, while shoving us out into the turmoil that life can become.  If we really knew what we could and would face, we might not take those steps that are needed to test life, to attempt even the simplest, so that we can mature and grow into adulthood.

I grew up, as most have, facing challenges that had I known about in their entirety, their depth of complexity for family and community, I might have retreated deep into some safe haven of withdrawal from life. I can admit that now, knowing how life can sometimes deal us blows that don’t always make us stronger. We have all heard that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger… well, while there is a modicum of truth there; overburdened lives do break. We tend to play the secure game with the outside world. We are happy in public, generally satisfied with life in the workplace and seem content with family life around the house. We often learn to hide deep pain for a time, while masquerading as the everyday person who has not a care in the world. Oh sure, we can spout off sometimes about life, but scarcely ever do we really pour out the sludge that clogs our joys, until it has devoured that joy and eaten into the very energy to live life to its fullest. It is pain unreleased, confusion with life that has not been resolved and it is depression, an open wound festering and putrid. We ask so many questions including, “How did this happen?”, “Why couldn't life just be easier?” and the worst for some, “Why did God let this happen?”

Now this all sounds pretty tragic I am sure. And it is! I have not only tasted of this cup, but in some ways I still struggle at times with the state of confusion with life that drains my energy and incapacitates my ability to find joy in the day to day stuff of life. People have looked at me and said, “You are so lucky!” or I wish I could live your life… you have had it so easy…. everything just came your way!” I HAVE lived a blessed life in many ways. Most do and they are not always capable of realizing it, or they do not take time to look around and see the blessings that surround them. But life has been more complicated than simple, more a struggle than an easy path filled with unending joys.

Recently, while in hospital, I had to give background information about my life for diagnostic purposes. Medical staff soon found sketchy overviews of my life’s journey in my case file and information about where I had been. Word seemed to be spreading that I was different from their day to day patient and people sought me out to chat and one nurse even asked me to give her a 2 minute lecture on Theology. I found out that she was searching and she wanted to know what I would tell her that was most important about God. Through tears she related the experience in Church in her youth and how it affected her view of who God was. I pray that I gave her hope and a vision that the Church is not God, no matter how many people worship “Church” while dismissing God and “the Christ” altogether.

Should it be understood then that life for me has been untenable? Not at all. But, I might have taken that other road in life and quite easily slipped among the stones while retreating into some abyss of darkness and total despair. I had helping hands; people who cared about my mental and spiritual health, as well as a desire to see what I might be capable of, if given a chance. It is curious how things work out sometimes. Why does one person get noticed when there is nothing notable about their life? In fact they may be radical, or worse still extroverted in an attempt to hide shyness, while someone else, who seems far more capable and talented, may be overlooked? We could look at Biblical examples such as Moses, David, Jeremiah and Peter. Any one of these individuals, seen as heroes of the faith, could be examined within the context of their lives and we would soon see their shortcomings, their weaknesses and how God used them, with all their faults, to accomplish His plan. No matter their failures and pain… they somehow saw something more than just the moment, a greater good to be realized and lived through the moments of disappointment and discouragement, to finally see His blessings in their lives.

A long time ago I learned that I could not control everything in life. Some things I can and some things I can’t. It may be that we are no longer fully in tune with our spiritual lives, or we may have become so self-confident that we have a tendency to relax and rely on our own self-sufficiency; feeling that we are able to control the efforts as well as the outcomes alone. I have had occasion to have fallen into that abyss! In ministry it is easy to get used to caring, sharing and being the epicenter for plans and answers not realizing what is happening. Without a full dependency upon God for all things, we go astray… we don’t have to look far into God’s Word to find examples. Jesus himself leaned on The Father to get him through the darkness of human depression that he would face on the cross. So we can’t make it through the tough times or the easy times without God!

I also met people, while I was in hospital, who were not prepared for what the future held. It is a sad day to be in the company of one whose denial or self-reliance makes them a captive to the hopelessness of life’s turns. I was also able to minister to two clergy who actually fell very ill and were hospitalized only days after visiting me. For those who are now wondering… their illness were totally unrelated to mine and were very serious on their own. As we chatted I was asked about how I felt… not just the physical illness but the spiritual stress of being ill. I told them both of an interaction with a nurse while I was waiting to be transferred to this hospital. A nurse asked me if I was afraid. I told her that we are not the masters of our own destinies and that I had placed myself into God’s hands. We are not always ready and never aware of what can happen suddenly to change our lives or even our immediate plans. Not all things in life are joyful, not all events are what we wanted in life. We rely on He who is greater than all that is, to see us through.

Both of the clergymen, who later fell ill, told me as I talked to them from my bed in ICU, that I had ministered to them far more than they had planned to minister to me. To what degree then are we stuck in our circumstance in life, in fear, in depression, in want and in living less than we had planned? Does God suddenly intervene when His plan is to use you for His purpose? Is there some hope that lifts us when we fall down, short of the mark we have set for ourselves, or perhaps when we have let God down with our folly and sin. Peter sure had a lot to atone for, yet Jesus held out the hand of Grace and Peter was not only re-commissioned, but empowered for greater ministry to come, though he felt lost and in disgrace.

Life is not always a bowl full of cherries. Sometimes long stretches of walking near the edge can become exhausting, debilitating and worst of all we can find our faith failing. But we need to be reminded that though our faith may fail, God’s faithfulness does not! The difficult part is our faith. There is a connection between the two elements… faith and hope. Do you see it? They go hand in hand and when in those moments of hopelessness we maintain faith in God’s faithfulness, we gain a return to balance in life. Though we go to the very ends of the earth, God’s love and grace is there for us. It is new every morning and holds us through the dark night of despair, even when we cannot feel Him present.

So today maybe you are living, it seems, too near the edge. Maybe it is time to look up, not down; to look outward not inward and see what there is that makes your joy sing. Yes living near the edge has its down side too, but when lived with an open heart, a love for life and reliance upon God for the everyday path you take, the edge can hold a beauty and peace that not everyone can understand, but would love to experience. It is all from where we mirror our perspective… from self or God. I pray that your perspective will be mirrored from God and that your days will be blessed even through the darkest of paths. 

Challenging A Fear of the Dark

For most of us there have been struggles with a fear of the dark. It would be simple to say that such a fear is only that which takes place after sunset, when darkness has replaced the light of day. But there are many fears of darkness. As the sunset and the darkness of night began to set in, during my childhood, I felt a distinct fear of the dark. My parents used to ask what was wrong. Many were the nights when there were arguments over my going up to bed alone. As the younger sibling I had to go to bed earlier and that meant facing those fears without an ally for support.

On one occasion, that has never left my memory, I asked for someone to escort me up the stairs and down a long hallway to the bathroom. I was told I was now a big boy and had to learn to do it alone. So, off I went and made it alone to the washroom through the dark. You might ask about putting on a light. Well, it is important to know that this was during the 1950’s and our home’s light fixtures upstairs consisted of pull-chain lights that were much too high for me to reach. As I left the bathroom to return downstairs, I started to run toward what little bit of light I could see and ran directly into the corner of a doorway and put a terrible gash in my eyebrow and was quickly covered with blood. My parents heard my cries and came to see what had happened and took me directly to the doctor. I had to have 5 stitches to close the wound. That same night a long cord was run from the pull-chain light, down the stairwell and was in easy access for future use. But, that did not cure my fear of the dark.

I used to lie in bed at night and wonder what was in the closet or just outside the door. I imagined all the negative things that a child’s mind could conjure up and it was not until my Mom asked me to close my eyes and tell me what I saw, that I began in a small way to understand the true meaning of darkness, as far as my fear was concerned. Knowing that I was not afraid in the afternoon with my eyes closed, I  seemed to get a bit of a sense of comfort in hearing that there was nothing to fear when I was alone in the dark. But still for years there lingered a sense of some remnant of that childhood fear.

Have you ever asked yourself what it is that prompts your personal fears? Perhaps it is the unknown. It may in fact be the feeling of being alone, without support or love. Fear can come in many forms and be both relative and subjective to our condition. In other words it is sometimes, or even most times,  connected to what is taking place in our immediate state of affairs…. our situation in life at present. Have you noticed that during times of absolute joy, while surrounded by family and friends that you love and that have supported and shared with you, that you feel little fear. It is during those moments that we are least likely to feel that we are walking alone or feel deserted, being left to our own resources or strengths. It is during the times that tragedy hits, or when life events turn toward the unbelievably uncertain or perhaps even when temptation is at its worst, that we feel those twinges of fear. It is this fear that we most often feel we must face alone; rather lost in our inability to feel even the presence of God’s love surrounding, supporting and uplifting us.

I have memories of a story, some time ago, of a small child whose parents were in a terrible car accident. The car in which they were driving drove off the road, through a guardrail and over a cliff, landing on a rocky beach. The parents died in the accident, but the child, a little girl, was only badly bruised and was able to get out of the car and sat on a rock on the shore, near the car, for many, many hours until the accident was discovered and the little girl was taken to warmth and safety. When asked how she remained so calm and did not run off and become lost, she calmly stated that a person came to hold her hand and had kept her company while she waited. Can we either accept or understand the idea that we are never alone? We who claim the name of Christ, who endeavor to live lives in tune with what God would want and in so doing worship Him who has given us life not only in eternity, but in fullness, now struggle to do so in the worst of times unless we have love to guide us.

That is a most difficult reality in which to live. Because of sin that surrounds us and the weakness of the flesh, we find ourselves relying on what we are, in relation to our personal strengths and who we identify ourselves as, in terms of family, community and personal reflection. We most often stand on the strength that we are expected to have, and while in some cases these feelings can boost our desire to overcome, many other times they may lead to self-doubt, anxiety and worst of all fear. This fear tries to tell us that we are alone, that no one can or would understand. It is then that our faith can slide and we may cry out; “O God, where are you now?” While this cry may have credence in its inquiry, it does lend itself to the furtherance of our despair if we cannot hear God’s voice in answer to our plea.

It is that darkness that is the worst. It is this darkness that can cloud judgment, confuse the issues or even turn us away from the path that normally we would desire to travel… that toward God and not away from Him. Listening to our hearts rehearse the words of Scripture that tell us, “Fear not, for I am with you, don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will build you up with my victorious right hand” (Isaiah 41:10) may not even always help us to turn the corner away from fear, and back toward the light of peace unless we have love to surround us... the touch of love that begins to heal the broken spirit.

There is little we can understand about God outside of the Scriptures, books on Biblical study and the revelation of what and who God is to not only those in Scripture, but for us today. Many today ask questions about His relevance to our times and if He really exists for today’s people and spend too much time in the relevance of who they are today and not enough on whom we will be in eternity. Hence the fear comes when our focus on the Giver of Life begins to pale and turns our hearts toward the emptiness of life’s cup and the fertile ground in which more fear grows. It is hard to lean on a God we cannot see, yet it is the only way to realize true faith. Faith is not possible when we try to focus on what we see, it is only possible when we focus on that which we cannot see.

Fear of the dark comes then in many disguises and can follow us throughout our lives. It comes as life changes take place, as we age and note the inescapable mortality that is ours as humanity. It is there as we face everything from unemployment to health issues, to daily life events that harbor thoughts of the great unknown and how it will affect our life and our future. Perhaps the key is not found in our ability to face the fear, but in our ability to remember that we are never alone. As we walk through this life maybe we can practice, during the good times, that ability to see the love that is there before us and be reminded that it does not disappear when our ability to see and feel its presence with us may seem to disappear. It may only be then, after practice, that we will have a partial glimpse of what God is constantly doing in relation to His relationship with us; His presence and love is with us no matter the time or the place… He is always there. Love is always the key; love of others, love of the life we have and most of all, love of God. God looks first at our ability to love in that order, far more than we realize. We must learn to live loved.... loved by God!
 

Fear of the dark may really be fear of the darkness in our human hearts, found in doubt and a previous experience of being alone in the human context to face fear alone. Take a walk in the other direction over the next few days. Walk towards God, looking for how He has affected your life with all the joys you know in family, friends and surroundings. Take stock of the many blessings and spend little or no time on the disappointments. Be reminded that you breathe because He gave you life and let go of that which may confuse the issue of His love. It will mean walking near the edge of your faith, but it may have an effect on your life, lending a new sense of joy, peace and hope, even when the world may be telling you otherwise.