I wasn’t very old when my Dad held me up in front of the
mirror and I saw the reflection of his face and mine next to one another. I don’t
remember what went through my mind at the time, I only remember the event. It
likely was a proud moment for both of us, or that is what I like to think.
My Dad was not young when he married and began to have children. There was a
40+ year age difference in our ages and as I look back through the picture of my
childhood, my Dad already looked beyond his age. Perhaps it was the sudden care
of children placed upon his life, or perhaps it was the life he had lived through,
with the Second World War only about 10 years past.
It is hard to believe what one goes through in life. Generations,
following World War II, lived through different circumstances, different
challenges, and with many different environments, in which to learn life, than
those of perhaps the previous 35 years. Each generation feels the strain of change,
though some take it all in their stride almost seeming indifferent to it all. Perhaps
it may be easy for certain sectors of society to just accept and move on. Some
say we show the signs of life in our face. Mom used to talk about “crow’s feet”,
frown lines and try to discourage us from making faces, stating that our faces
would grow to keep that shape. Much of that was good humour, but we soon learn
that there was a level of truth to the weight of life leaving its mark on our
look overall.
No two people react the same way to the variations in life
that are cast upon them. I have heard
stories surrounding the great depression. While some were not able to cope and
exited life, others pulled up their roots and followed the rails, the trails
and their instincts to get work wherever it might be gotten. Some say that
today’s generation does not know the true meaning of “hard times”, yet we must
remember that we can’t compare bicycles and aerospace modules. While physical
exhaustion due to hard labour was common during the early years of the 1900s, new exhaustion, due to mental stresses, became a very trying phenomenon for sociologists
to reconnoitre. The acceptance of Post-traumatic stress, like many of the
socially debated disorders of this past century, has helped in the
understanding of many major health issues.
So what of the impact on the human personae? I wish I could
state that time has changed the outcome, but it has not. Even with all the
magic potions, creams, elixirs and health aides, we have little or no control
over how it all turns out. In my own experience, I was athletic, but it did not
stop me from having teenage rheumatic fever and only a few years later a collapsed
lung. These two health issues totally changed both my capabilities and my
possibilities. It didn’t slow me down too much, but it has made a difference in
how I view my health to a certain extent, and how my family doctor views my
issues. No amount of lifestyle and diet, I am told, would have made a change in
what had happened. One issue was due to a bacterial infection, the other was a
freak accident, but nevertheless, at one level or another, they were life-changing to say the least.
So, as it turned out, one day I needed a shave. Now there is
a mystery to behold. I have a brother who “needed” to shave at 13, yet I was
only finally was able to begin a moustache at 30; to this day nearly 40 years later,
I cannot grow a beard. There I stood, and for whatever reason I stared at the
reflection for a few minutes, trying to decide if I really needed to go to all
that trouble. It suddenly occurred to me that the man in the mirror looked much
older than the last time I took a moment to make a full evaluation. It bothered
me; it really did! I turned on my heel and walked away… later, I noted my
graduation pic on the wall… I honestly felt like crying! A defining moment in
front of a mirror had also made changes in my self-definition.
Looking back over the years since I sometimes chuckle at how
personally I took that moment of revelation. I would like to say that I took a deep
breath and got on with life, but that was not the case. For several months I shuffled aimlessly
through the needs, the choices and the expectations of living. When God gets
ahold of your pride, He sometimes shakes it up a little to see where you are in
your relationship with him. I was reminded that St. Paul once asked God to
remove his thorn in the flesh, and after being denied he learned to lean more
fully on He sustains beyond our ability. Looking to God in times of distress,
rather than on our own strength, courage and skills, is the only way to survive
this life. Now having said that, it is God who gives the courage to move on
from there.
Could I look in the mirror, someone is asking? Oh yes, I
could and I did and each time I gazed at that ageing person staring back at me I
remembered that I had earned or at least accepted every grey hair and wrinkle
that I saw. The truth was that these manifestations of my growing old neither
debilitated nor negated my zest for life. I have always been a dreamer. Perhaps
it would be better to state that I can envision something in its near entirety.
That is not to say that I am clairvoyant, I am merely able to see a structure
take shape, what a boat will look like from a plan and see something take shape
from a piece of wood that I have begun to carve. Some call it artistic ability,
others call it stupidity (only with a lack of being able to sense that gift for
oneself I believe).
Has life drawn more energy from my body; has more stress
than I can handle congealed into fissures that remodel my facial image with
stress lines and Mom’s famous “crow’s feet”? Perhaps so; life does not afford
us a day pass very often. There are very few get out of this stressful
situation “free cards” given out throughout life. Is there some magic that
happens to make it not only worthwhile but at least tenable, this journey into
middle age and further? Of course, there is. I was reminded the other day, as I
was listing the arthritic parts of my body during an area of a low-pressure system
that was over our heads, that I was not in a wheelchair, didn’t need a walker
or a cane, so why get too upset. It is hard to question the sage in the family,
who while putting up with me now for nearly half a century, has lovingly been
my cheerleader, faithful support staff and my constant prayer warrior.
Have you looked in the mirror of late? Do you take time to
look at the forest and not just the trees? You know what I mean… the overall
perspective not just the stubble, the shape of the eyebrows or that embarrassing
evidence of drool from last night’s dreams! Who is that person in the mirror?
What is different about who that person has become? Perhaps the answer is not
to be found in the negative sense of our becoming something less, but in our
refining toward something more! We always have choices. One may be to accept
the limitations of aging; the other may be to use them in different avenues of
choice options. I was once told that you can most often do at 70 what you were
able to accomplish at 30, it just takes 2-3 times longer. While true for some
things, it is not true for all.
We can spend time feeling sorry for ourselves, mopping up
what is left of life, but it is far more productive to get off the pity bench
and sit in the orchestra pit!
I walk near the edge. I still rush into projects and
sometimes I do fail. I find comfort in those things I know and can share, but
still, I rejoice in that which I am capable of accomplishing on a daily basis. I
am not sure how wrinkled up I will be at 100, but wouldn’t it be nice to plan
to be there. I tease an older friend of mine and remind him that he “has” to be
at my 100th b-day party and he is in his 80’s! Why bother you ask!
Here is the skinny on that one. I agree with the person who stated that they
would rather wear out than rust out and while old age is said to be golden, but
it often shows signs of oxidation (rust) I choose to err on the side of the
former and shall wear out.
Don’t wait for tomorrow to decide to start living… do it
now. You are still breathing; you are reading this crazy man’s blog aren’t you?
You don’t even have to look in the mirror; just begin to leap tall buildings,
pick flowers along a remote babbling brook or take that world tour that you
always planned to take, yet never found the time. Some will remember my true
story of the dear lady leaping 6 feet over demarcations on the floor. She had
been in a wheelchair for perhaps 10 years as a double amputee, but she was in
her mind, leaping like a teenager and laughing out loud. Don’t be limited by a
few wrinkles, a few aching joints, a voice saying quietly, “Now should you be
doing that?” If your body and mind can stand the activity, then run with the
wind; even from a wheelchair or perhaps
while confined to your bed.
Walking near the edge is different for sure. It can be
scary, it can be challenging in any case, but the view from there can be devastatingly
lovely. After all, mirrors cannot reflect more than the mere façade of our
being, and you are much, much more than a mere reflection. May God richly bless
your journey as you take those hesitant steps! You are not alone, God is there
beside you. When you think you no longer can, God takes over and you will wonder
at how you were capable of accomplishing some of the most impossible tasks.
Then, you will be standing near the edge… look at you! You are a force to be
dealt with… a child of the King!
